Today was a weird day. It's hard to fall back into a routine after a four-day weekend.

It's really early in the day to be saying this but I want this day to be over already. I woke up at 7:30 to get to my 8:30am class (which was teaching brass instruments). In the very least, it seemed to go okay. I learned that the reason I haven't been able to play the right notes in the practice room is because a Bb trumpet is in B FLAT. I had the pitch center of my tuner set as concert C and so the tuner was showing the wrong note.
Oh well.
At least I know that I was playing the right notes anyway; I'm just dumb and can't remember to transpose.

However, right before the start of Conducting, I felt my heart sinking. I couldn't tell you what set me off, but I ran off to the bathroom to hide and try not to cry for the first ten minutes of class. I'm okay now. I walked back to my apartment to grab a sweater and eat some food. I ended up half an hour late to Foundations, but it was really good for me. I am a little excited to go back to sleep. Okay, a lot excited.

I'm planning to make the trek down from East Bay, back home this weekend. I think the worst part will be not having a car and not being able to meet with my friends there. I'm okay with taking the bus; last week Mom brought me some motion sickness pills. I am so excited to eat fish, cabbage, pancakes, flan, cake, cauliflower, fruit from our Asian Pear tree, grilled carrots, and carnitas asada. OH MY GOD,,,,EGGS?!?!? MMMMM. Learning to live in a new city, with a different cooking set-up and having to develop new comfort foods has been so hard. I find it's easier to let myself starve than make a strong plan for food, and I need to finish my food stamps application. I feel my brain is slipping all over the place, and I can't really focus on anything.

When I go home this weekend (tomorrow I guess), I plan to grab my zines and maybe I can begin to upload my zine page. If I can manage to find my storage cards, I might look for some old compositions I might have. I seriously doubt my ability to locate those old drafts, but it is something worth trying. I kind of dread leaving,because I just can't stand that second goodbye.

I really want to go home before it's too late. I hate to speak this out loud, or put it into the universe; but I recently dreamt that my madrina passed away. I never got the chance to say goodbye to her. At the very least, I want her to know how much I love her before anything happens. I am very realistic about this, and I am not going to pretend it would be a great surprise. Her role in my life is so nuanced, she has been almost like a grandmother to me, mostly just because of our age gap. But, she does have those special grandma traits that I see in others (unfortunantly I don't really have personal experience on that).